Listen up, mom. There's a secret I've been keeping from you for a while. I've been afraid to share it because I'm not sure how it'll affect our relationship. But I can't stay in the closet any long. Mom … I'm on Team Jacob.
Okay, now just calm down, mom. I know it's shocking, but I didn't expect you to swoon like some Victorian governess in a too-tight girdle. Geesh. It's not like you're Bella being hunted by Victoria and her band of blood-thirsty baby vampires, so drop the dramatics and take a seat.
Have you simmered down, yet? Good. Let's just try and talk about this like a couple of grownups. So, where do I start? Well, I guess it all started with New Moon. When Jacob warned Edward that biting Bella would break the truce between the wolves and vamps in Fork, I was overcome with emotion. I blushed, mom. Blushed. Jacob is true blue and would never lie to Bella like Edward.
I know you don't want to hear it, mom, but how did you not see the signs? I mean, I started reading all those books about Native Americans from the Pacific Northwest, embroidering little Js into my jeans, and wearing this 10k white gold cross necklace. Sure, its 1/20 cttw Princess-cut diamond may sparkle like Edward's pallid skin in the sun, thanks to its I – J color and I1 – I2 clarity. But it's my way of warding off vampires and protesting how Bella broke Jacob's heart by marrying Edward. What I wouldn't give to wring her heartless little neck with my necklace's 16" 10k white gold chain.
So there it is, mom. That's my dirty little secret. I hope you'll be able to forgive me the way Jacob forgave Bella when they were camped out before … the battle … with … I can't even talk right now. It's just so sad.
Deal #: 2653